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Bedroom bloopers to watch out for Featured

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You would assume that sex with your partner is always “perfect”, with no glitches. However, that’s far from the truth.

A few situations are not in one’s control, and bedroom faux pas are more common than you think. We tell you what could go wrong and how you could turn it into a lighter moment.

Nature’s call

This is possibly your worst nightmare, and one that you think would gross him out. Fear not—according to experts, this is normal. “The reason some women feel like urinating or unintentionally urinate just before or during orgasm, is that penetration can often put pressure on the bladder. During sex and orgasm, the bladder can contract, releasing urine at the same time,” says Chennai-based sexologist Dr Santanam Jagannathan.

She also states that sometimes women release fluid pools during orgasm, which could be confused with urine.
What to do: Planning will come in handy. A simple solution would be vacating your bladder before sex so that you are not unsettled during the act. In case you feel an urge while you are at it, excuse yourself and use the loo. “Most men are cool about it, even if you have to repeat the foreplay. Worst-case scenario: if you do end up peeing during sex, just shrug it off as a natural body phenomenon, clean up, and move on,” says Jagannathan.

Gassy glitches

Strange noises (not the ones that turn your significant other on) can catch you unawares; imagine letting out a belch while kissing or hearing his stomach growl almost comically in response to the sweet nothings you’re whispering in his ears. Sounds like quite a scenario, doesn’t it? “My boyfriend and I have odd hours at work, and we meet at odd hours as well, so there’s a good chance one of us is ravenous, or full on a meal. This means that letting out some extra wind is definitely a possibility. We have both farted around each other, sometimes right in the middle of a very intense sexual moment. Our stomachs have also let out a tell-tale rumble, if hunger is getting in the way of our passion.,” says Gargi Singh*, a 26-year-old freelance illustrator from Chennai.
What to do: It might seem like a buzz kill in that moment, but it shouldn’t be taken seriously. “Yes, it’s embarrassing, but if your partner cares about you, it’s not the end of the world. These are all bodily activities, and no one does it on purpose. Laugh about it, cuddle a bit, and you’ll find it’s perfectly okay,” states Singh.

Animal instinct

The million-dollar question that probably plagues pet owners across the world–is it all right to have your dog watch while you have sex? Answers psychologist Manjula MK, “Experts have concluded dogs and cats consider things like sex normal unlike human beings who think of it as a private act.” However, the jury’s still out on this. Your partner and you may feel extremely uncomfortable if you are being watched by your pet when you are in the throes of passion.
What to do: First things first, if you feel so strongly about it, make sure your pet is safe and secure, and doesn’t have access to your room—so bolts in place, please! If your pet does happen to wander in, and it bothers you, swiftly carry it out, and keep it a confined space until you are done. “On the downside, the endorphins released during sex may send out signals to your dog that you’re upset or angry, so you may want to be a bit watchful about how your pet reacts to it. If it seems disturbed, aggressive, withdrawn or its behaviour changes for the worse immediately after watching you and your partner in the act, ensure you don’t repeat it and antagonise them. In this case, prevention is definitely better than cure,” Manjula MK says.

Safety first

Sometimes, in the middle of heated sex, the condom can slip off–and if you’re lucky, it’s accessible and you can pull it out. However, if the penetration has been deep, and your partner’s just pulled out with the condom missing, you are stuck in a tricky situation.
What to do: Firstly, stay calm. If you work yourself up, your vaginal passage may contract, making it more difficult for you to yank out the condom. First try to remove it yourself by squatting on the floor, inserting a finger and taking it out gently and gradually. Don’t use any pointed tools like tweezers as there is a possibility of you injuring yourself. If you’re still unable to get the condom out seek professional help from a gynaecologist. “While the condom itself is not a problem because you can seek professional help to remove it, the real issue is the fact that you’ve put yourself at risk of STDs and unplanned pregnancies. So, to stay safe, get your partner and yourself tested to rule out any of these,” Dr Jaggannathan advises.

Sex-perimenting

It’s common for couples to try new positions to spruce things up in bed. Ever thought what if your attempt backfires? Says Kaveri K, a 35-year-old advertising professional, “After having spend five years together, my husband and I find ourselves willing to experiment in the bedroom. But sometimes things can go wrong! For starters, once we were so focussed on getting it technically right, we were not turned on enough due to lack of foreplay and spontaneity. Owing to that the penetration just wasn’t happening, since he’s found it hard to get inside. And in this one instance, I ended up getting injured by pulling a muscle!”


What to do: No one is a gold-medal gymnast; perhaps it’s time to cut yourself some slack on the flexibility front. “Give a new position time and effort to ease into; don’t expect to get it right initially, even straightforward sex takes time. Don’t push your partner or be pushed into doing something that’s beyond your physical capacity. Baby steps are fine. If you’re unwilling to take time and effort because the spontaneity matters more, stick to positions that you know are reliable, and work for you,” Kaveri opines.

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